Totally want this. Dang Canadians/Canadiens get universal healthcare and now this? UNFAIR!
on August 11, 2011 at 9:13 am
Totally want this. Dang Canadians/Canadiens get universal healthcare and now this? UNFAIR!

Totally want this. Dang Canadians/Canadiens get universal healthcare and now this? UNFAIR!

Totally want this. Dang Canadians/Canadiens get universal healthcare and now this? UNFAIR!

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Marvel ruined Wolverine.
3…2…1…
Here’s why. Name Wolverine’s mutant power.
If you said, “Mutant healing factor and enhanced senses,” you’d be correct.
If you said, “Claws,” you’re wrong. Or, you should be.
In the original Handbook of the Marvel Universe, it said something to the effect of:
Wolverine is a mutant who possesses the ability to regenerate damaged or destroyed areas of his cellular structure at a rate far greater than that of an ordinary human. The speed at which this healing factor works varies in direct proportion with the severity of the damage Wolverine suffers. For example, he can fully recover from an ordinary gunshot wound in a non-vital area of his body within minutes, but it took him almost two months to fully recover from injuries sustained in a duel with Lord Shingen, which included one from a sword that went all the way through his trunk.
Wolverine’s natural healing also affords him virtual immunity to poisons and most drugs, as well as an enhanced resistance to diseases. For example, it is nearly impossible for him to become intoxicated from drinking alcohol. He also has a limited immunity to the fatigue poisons generated by bodily activity, and hence he has greater endurance than an ordinary human. His agility and reflexes are similarly enhanced.
In addition, Wolverine’s healing factor provides him with an extended lifespan by slowing the effects of the aging process. Although over a century old, Wolverine is as healthy and physically fit as a man in his prime.
Wolverine also possesses superhumanly acute senses, making him capable of seeing things at a maximum distance greater than a normal human’s. His hearing is enhanced in a similar manner, and he is able to recognize people and objects by scent, even if that person or object is hidden. Wolverine can use these enhanced senses to track any creature with an impressive degree of success.
Sometime after Wolverine: The Origin came out, they added this little tidbit:
Wolverine’s skeleton includes six retractable one-foot long bone claws, three in each arm, that are housed beneath the skin and muscle of his forearms. Wolverine can, at will, release these slightly curved claws through his skin beneath the knuckles on each hand. The skin between the knuckles tears and bleeds, but the blood loss is quickly halted by his healing factor. Wolverine can unsheathe any number of his claws at once, although he must keep his wrists straight at the moment his claws shoot from his forearms into his hands. When unsheathed, the claws are fully within his hands, and thus Wolverine can still bend his wrists. The claws are naturally sharp and tougher than that of normal human bone structure, allowing Wolverine to cut through most types of flesh and natural materials.
Which is complete bull$#!&. I’m always reminded of this issue (the number escapes me right now):

In this issue, right after this scene in fact, Jean Grey and Banshee are shocked…they thought Wolverine’s claws were in his gloves. He responded something to the effect that they were “a part of him.” Many years later, this happened:

This leads to Wolverine trying to deal with his new situation; the crutch that he leaned on, his adamantium skeleton, is gone. He’s fragile. A great dramatic situation that led to a fateful Danger Room session where he was gun shy, almost scared. It was a great place to put the character in because he had NEVER been seen like this. The climax had Wolverine pop his claws, an instinctive defensive response, and what happens?

Perfect. From a storytelling POV, that is great character development.
Here’s where the story goes off the track. No one, at that point, bothered to explain why he had bone claws, but inherently, I knew the answer because I had the same problem. I played football in high school, and I got a deep bruise to my upper humerus. The bruise caused a little bit of internal bleeding and as a result, I had a calcium deposit in that spot (still do). This could totally explain why Wolverine had bone claws; upon receiving the adamantium, and the adamantium claws, constant use (popping the claws) would create calcium deposits. I might not be explaining it right, but I know this could work.
Instead?

Here’s what’s wrong with this picture. This moment, this Shyamalan plot twist, turns Wolverine from a mutant-turned-weapon into a monster. Being born with bone claws is a mutation, sure, but it’s not something that you can use to become a super hero. (Before I go further, I did enjoy this series.) It’s neither offensive nor defensive it…just is. Maybe over time, the bones would harden and he could, as the Wolverine Origins movie showed, use them as weapons, but they’re still bone. Bones break. When I was a kid, I wanted the healing factor, but if I knew he had bone claws? Not so much.
The other problem with this plot twist? It lead to this:

Wolverine came from a long line of mutant werewolves.
Let that sink in for a minute… Mutant…werewolves.
I’ll say it again. Marvel turned Wolverine from a mutant to a monster.

So, the gift giving is over and you got yourself a new gadget. Want to read my comics, but can’t make it to a comic store? You can find me online. Here’s a few of my comics that you can download or read on your computer screen.
FCHS (Teaser) – Available for the iPhone, iPad and your computer (FREE)
X-Men Unlimited: Bar Stools - Available with subscription via Marvel.com.
Captain Action: Khem – Available for the iPhone, iPad and your computer (.99 cents).
Savage Dragon #163: Faster Baby, Yeah Yeah – Full issue (with back-up) available for iPhone, iPad and your computer (1.99)
In 2011, I will be doing some of comics online, here, on the site. You can check out the FCHS Prequel that we put out prior to the release of FCHS Vol 1.
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